Random Shit You Probably Didn’t Need To Know But I’m Gonna Tell You Anyways | Vol. 1

Welcome to RSYPDNTKBIGTYA! This is a new way I can inform you of random facts that you don’t need to know, but then you’ll know them and you can impress people with all you random knowledge about useless things. It’s weekly!!! No, I’m serious this is gonna be a weekly thing. At least I’ll try. I’ll give you 3-5 sometimes 4 random facts or tidbits you probably don’t know and didn’t need to.

Today’s topic? Ottoman Sultans Part 1. I might have a problem, but I’m obsessed with the Ottoman Empire, and quite a few specific Sultans. I’ve done a lot of research and I know a lot of weird facts that I am going to impart on you. Not all at once, because that wouldn’t be good. But yes, this is a part 1. I know far too much for this to only be a one-time topic. Bare with me.


A lot of this comes from Wikipedia and Google, so I’m not entirely sure if it’s completely true, so the dates may vary. Don’t take anything I say too literally, because it may be a little off. Also, I have a huge respect for the Ottoman Empire,  it’s an obsession, and a passion and everything related to it sparks my interest. Most of the Sultan’s that I will be discussing I also have some respect for (even when they did questionable actions). These are some of the weirder more strange “facts” (because I’m not sure how accurate they are) I have found. This is meant in fun, so please don’t take offense. I also add jokes for comedic value.


Being a dad!

Image result for Ahmed I

In Magnificent Century Kosem Ahmed is portrayed by Ekin Koç (right)

Ahmed I was the youngest Sultan to become a father at age 14, he ascended the throne at age 13 after the death of his father Mehmed III. He was not the youngest coronated Sultan, his grandson, Mehmed IV was 6. But according to Wikipedia “most likely due to Ahmed’s young age – he had not yet demonstrated his ability to sire children.” I wonder why? Yet a year or so later, he had a son, Osman. Funny enough that they would keep a mentally unstable person alive because otherwise the Ottoman line was screwed. Yet when Mehmed IV took the throne, he was six and they weren’t worried about him not having any children. I mean his brother succeeded him, but then his son’s later succeeded their uncle. Did they not kill Suleiman because they were afraid the line would be screwed? Probably not, they just thought Ahmed had the right idea. Another young father’s included Ahmed’s eldest son, Osman II, who became Sultan at 13 years 3 months 23 days and he became a father at the age of 16 years 11 months 17 days. He then died exactly 7 months later, or 30 weeks 2 days, or 212 days, or 5,088 hours, or 305,280 minutes or 18,316,800 seconds later. I’m not sure about the seconds. I’m not that much of a stalker. But his son actually died 5 months previous in January, at the age of roughly 2 months old. Osman being the prince that he was had twins born 5 to 6 months following his death. When he died he was 17 years 6 months 17 days, or 210 months 17 days, or 915 weeks 2 days, or 6,407 days, or 153,768 hours, or 9,226,080 minutes, or 553,564,800 seconds old. Again ignore the seconds. Yes, I did that math on an age calculator, because I cannot math. I heard this fact and I wanted to check it for myself – thus this long tangent with numbers.

Image result for Murad and Musa Magnificent century kosem gifs



Making poor decisions, and not letting people have their coffee.

Image result for Osman II

In Magnificent Century Kosem Osman is portrayed by Taner Ölmez (right)

Osman II was known as Osman Genç or Genç Osman which roughly translates to the Young Osman because he ascended at thirteen (see above) but also probably because he died underage (he was seventeen). Otherwise, Ahmed I and Mehmed IV could be Genç Ahmed or Genç Mehmed. Being the young teenage boy that he was, he didn’t really think the Janissary army was a good idea, they weren’t loyal enough – they rebelled a lot and after a campaign he wished to dispose of them – so as not to deal with rebellions probably ( also, being a dad sixteen, plus being the Sultan of seven climates, three continents. Even though he didn’t have to do any late night shifts or diaper changes – not even if the mother would have to do that. I’m pretty she wouldn’t have to even nurse if she didn’t want to.) So, he wanted to replace the Janissaries with a better more loyal military made up of Anatolian Sekbans (peasant mercenaries in the Ottoman Militia separate from the Janissaries, but they clashed a lot in history). This idea went over well, naturally – not. Especially, when Osman closed all the coffee houses where the janissaries frequented, and apparently planned rebellions in. They got really pissed (because you’ve got to have your coffee. You can’t just stop a man from getting his morning coffee) and trapped Osman and killed him. So, basically, lesson learned; Coffee is more important than the safety of the Padishah. Though, I’m sure there was somewhere else they could have gotten coffee. It was probably more of the fact that they were to be replaced with the adversary more or less than upset them. Though I’m not sure how a bunch of hormonal teenage boys taken from their homes and forced to serve an empire they had been conquered by isn’t the greatest system for a loyal military, but they managed it for a long time so who am I to judge? Also, coffee. Those soldiers have priorities, that I can totally relate to on a spiritual level.

Even though you started here

and got here. Also, Taner Olmez looks about 25. Other than that, it works for me.


Being the world’s biggest hypocrite.

Image result for Murad IVRelated image

In Magnificent Century Kosem Murad  is portrayed by Metin Akdülger (right)

Murad  (yes, like the makeup brand but not) IV was an interesting dude. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a fascinating historical figure, but also a huge hypocrite. He strongly believed that drinking was a bad thing, and that alcohol prohibition was a good thing. He would have loved the 1920s United States. Murad actually banned alcohol, coffee (again) and tobacco in Istanbul during his reign from 1623-1640. Breaking this law, or possessing these prohibited beverages and whatever you’d classify tobacco, you’d be severely punished. Murad was into the idea of executing people for this treasonous offense. But naturally, like a lot of people, he is terrible at following his own laws and he was an infamously habitual drinker and he actually died of cirrhosis.  Cirrhosis if you aren’t aware is a really nasty condition in which your liver does not function well. It can be deadly, as Murad proves. Now that is hypocrisy at it’s finest. He died of the very vice he hated, yet abused to heavily. He was a  rule breaker too because he broke his own rules. But you can’t just tell a Sultan that.

are a hypocrite.


The Haseki Equation.

Image result for Ibrahim IImage result for Ibrahim IImage result for Ibrahim I Tugay Mercan

That sounds like a book title, I’m gonna put that is my book of ideas.

In Magnificent Century Kosem, Ibrahim is played by Rîdvan Aybars Düzey & Tugay Mercy (right & bottom middle)

Haseki is an Ottoman term that means Royal Consort. This is usually given to main Hatun/Sultana of a Sultan. This started during the reign of Suleiman I (and his Haseki Hurrem) and ended sometime after Turhan Hatice (Ibrahim I’s original haseki.) Ibrahim I being mad, his mother and regent Kosem Sultan told him to focus on the harem, and take care of himself while she tried to control the Ottoman State. This worked a little too well in some cases. Ibrahim did use the harem extravagantly, and his mother did little to keep this extravagance in check. Ibrahim has eight Haseki’s yes I repeat – eight haseki Sultan(a)s. He actually raised eight women to that title, starting with Turhan Hatice, and ending with Telli Humashah. He was quite nice to all of them, dumping them in privilege, and unnecessary extravagance, but his mother just let him do it. For some numbers, he paid each consort 1,000 aspers a day, except Ays(h)e Haseki who received 1,300 Aspers. I don’t know what she did, but she must have really pleased him. He also gave Ibrahim Pasha’s palace, all newly decked in furs to Humashah.

So, there you have it 4  random “facts” about some of the Ottoman Empire’s most interesting Sultan’s. I have more coming up next week! I think I shall post this on Sundays. Please tell me what you think or if you have any questions. I’ll try to answer them.

Also, Happy 19th birthday to my brother Leif!!

Petyr Baeish Books  © 2017 by Tova Portmann-Bown


2 thoughts on “Random Shit You Probably Didn’t Need To Know But I’m Gonna Tell You Anyways | Vol. 1

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